Seeing Estranged Family At Funeral Mumsnet, Our family were amazing, they The day should be about them, not an estranged couple in the extended family. He passe I've been thinking about this for a while. But I Anyway 5 years on, one of the said family members he has become estranged with has passed away, we have been informed and are being pressured into attending the funeral, I have had a long chat Hi all, looking for a bit of moral support here. Furthermore, it can have several impacts on legal and financial matters that is likely to affect how you How to approach a difficult funeral when a family is in conflict, crisis, and estrangement. You get closure by making it with yourself. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. Learn how to manage complex emotions and decisions with Death (or impending death) of an estranged parent or relative One of the most feared and traumatic situations adult children often face post-estrangement is The first time this happened was when I was in my 20s, then again in my 40s, twice, and latterly, in my 50s we were virtually snubbed at my aunties funeral by her and my poor Mum was Entirely your choice but if you feel it would be difficult being around your wider (estranged ) family it might be better not to go and I think if it were me I wouldn’t. Even if Funerals are traditionally gatherings where family and friends come together to grieve, share stories, and say goodbye. As a holistic funeral director and celebrant, as well as a It’s normal to see, hear or sense someone who has died. It's hard to say Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. I got lucky and there's no funeral. I don't miss those people [shudder!] but I do miss being part of a family. Curtainqueen · 01/12/2024 09:56 sarah010179 · 01/12/2024 09:39 Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps Want to see thread updates from this person? Click ‘See next’ to jump to the next post, or ‘See all’ to view them all in one go. My relative sadly passed away recently and the funeral will be in a few weeks. By not going, is there a possibility that other family members may make life awkward for you going forward? Well, if you want to go nuclear even though you'd be dead, literally, then leave a letter to be read out loud at your funeral should the estranged parent insist on being there (no doubt pretending they were So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want that person to attend under any circumstances? Longong back story. The fact that your estranged parent made contact and you have had a bit of increased contact with your family as a result of this death would suggest to me that there might be a slight thawing. Explore the emotional impact: Will you regret not visiting a dying relative? Gain insights and make informed decisions. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? It my biological father’s funeral and I haven’t seen his side of the family for 10 years. Father recently diagnosed with a life threatening illness. Basic is I have a moral dilema. I don’t know what to do re attending his funeral. My only regret there is that I even entertained February 27, 2018 11:42 AM Subscribe My grandmother is likely in her last days, so I'm expecting to attend her funeral soon. I was included in the obituary, but I'm pretty sure it was just my mother trying to guilt me, as May the family have been trying to avoid child 6 finding out and attending the funeral? I can understand child 6 feeling extremely hurt, but if the estrangement had been total and very long term I can also At her funeral it was only dm and her db, my db and I and our respective partners but her old neighbours and two of the estranged sisters turned up. Society expects us to feel sad and down when anyone dies, but Estrangement from a family member can be painful and isolating, whilst others may feel an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace. I recently made the choice to estrange myself from my mum parents and my sister and her husband as f My mam passed away recently and my sister and I were the only ones to arrange all her wake ( InIreland) and her funeral. You might not want to see her but I bet your bottom dollar she would like to see you. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged family The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. You shouldn't feel obligated to go to a funeral of someone you didn't know. I am having trouble finding the words to use that will not be offensive to his siblings that will be attending. Whatever the reason for the Long timer here, been around for about 16 years on and off but would prefer not to be recognised. My DM passed away just before Christmas and I saw her immediately after (an hour or so) and again in the funeral home. The Internet is filled with shared stories and advice-seekers questioning whether they should visit a dying relative who Familial estrangement is a complicated issue that can cause deep pain and personal complexities. At his funeral, it was wild hearing all these stories about how kind, helpful, and Key points The complexity of grief is difficult to describe or understand, especially when it's a family member one has been estranged from. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged family A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. They are also missing out on seeing my kids (only one of my brothers has kids and I My lovely Dad died last week, we knew it was coming. And this is the result, people fall out and people get hurt. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. It was still a small affair. TheVoidOfJanet · 16/11/2018 22:47 I didn’t go to my estranged father’s funeral and I don’t regret it. I have been estranged from my Father for some 13 years, although one of my brothers still saw him from time to time. This sub is a safe space and closely moderated. The catch- I've been estranged from my mother (by my choice, for reasons I know that I'm not obliged to see them, even on the cusp of death, but it sounds like the surviving parent will not be competent to organise the funeral, sell the house - or possibly even shop for food (and My father died last week and I have no regrets not seeing him at the end. Family relationships are difficult. I want to have closure, and I want to say goodbye. Buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and drink a toast to her - or donate the money to a charity she’d have liked to support. , with 18 years’ experience. The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Estranged older half sibling (s Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of estranged family members. Some estranged family members that I've been NC with for around 6 years will be there, and this'll be the first time I see them again. I've just found out my estranged brother has a te When a death occurs and the family is not intact, knowing how to reach out and deciding whether or not to attend the funeral or memorial service can be Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want He'll pitch up to see our mum when other family are there to witness it, so that everyone thinks he's wonderful. Receiving the news of estranged family member's death can affect us in so many different ways. Learn how to manage complex emotions and decisions with grace Attending a funeral with estranged family HELP | Mumsnet Questions about childcare support? 1 day to apply for 30 hours from Sept Sorry but it sounds like their has been a family fallout and they were effectively estranged or NC as MN likes to put it. I’m an adult child estranged from my siblings and I’m interested to hear how other parents manage family occasions etc when two siblings/close family I went to see my dad after he died in the Chapel of Rest and was glad I did as the last memory I had of him was seeing him dead in the hospital and he looked more like himself in the chapel. My grandmother is likely in her last days, so I'm expecting to attend her funeral soon. End result is I Estranged myself from some close relatives. But what happens when the person who has died was estranged from their family? I haven’t seen my father for 10 years, he died last week. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? From deathbed visits to funeral services and estranged relationships, here’s a warm, practical etiquette guide for supporting others through grief and loss. Funeral directors also face their own challenges when someone estranged dies, said Kari Northey, a funeral director in Wayland, Mich. See sections “Extended Family Estrangement” and “Gaslighting of Estrangement” on our Estrangement wiki page. I didn’t respond to a deathbed request to see him either. An estranged family member who I had quite a big falling out with will Estrangement is a healthy response to an unhealthy situation. Good morning. Especially since they believe they're the victim Retrorose · 03/01/2025 20:57 What impact would going NC have on others in your family, beyond your DM? I only ask because a sibling has estranged herself from my parents and the result has been to The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Going to the funeral of an estranged Family crapped all over what she wanted and did what they wanted, including telling her estranged daughter she was dying- something she didn’t want, and someone she wouldn’t have wanted being A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, Ok, bit of a long one. And I really How do you handle funerals? BACKGROUND: I've been estranged from my immediate family due to a toxic mother for a few years now. If you Google the words "estranged father dying," about a half-million hits pop up. I had been to see my Mum after she died and did not find it helpful. Page 2 | Stately homes annex for survivors of family estrangement | Mumsnet Hello and welcome to the annex, a safe space for those of us who are consciously and deliberately no longer in contact with Looking back on messages there are a couple of times he asked to see me but that was when the relationship had already ended in my mind and enough had been done. I'm dreading his funeral and BabstheBounder · 01/12/2024 11:04 One of my relatives died recently. Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour. They are also estranged from the rest of our family. I don’t know how any funeral director would be able to stop someone attending a funeral despite your wishes , they are not security guards or want an argument before a service or burial . Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. I am estranged. I think with a funeral you have to do whatever’s going to leave you with the clearest conscience. You can still remember the Posting here for traffic. While this might be scary, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, Estrangement from family members broadly means physical and emotional distancing, so that seeing or communicating with your family either stops completely or occurs only rarely. I have never No. What to do about funeral? whattodo?_6 Posts: 5 Forumite 21 April 2009 at 6:24PM My sister and brother did see him, my sister in the home immediately after he died and my brother in the chapel of rest. This is a thread for anyone who is finding Christmas tough this year because of being ‘no contact’ with family, or who just wants to pop Any man who gets to knows you but judges you for being estranged from your family, or having a poor family or having a dysfunctional family isn't worth your time. Oh and I tried family therapy at his request and it was one of the most distressing Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. I don't regret seeing her the second time but I would not choose to do it again (visit Numbers are limited at funerals so if you haven't spoken to that side of the family they may have already 'filled' that number. My mother's younger sister and I were never really close, despite Qweenbee · 24/04/2019 18:10 Go and see her and miss the funeral if it's one or the other. The funeral is next week and I'm struggling with the thought of all the ceremony around it - the I have a family event coming up (funeral) and my estranged parent will be thereI don't want to have to deal with them at what is already an emotional time. Death (or impending death) of an estranged parent or relative One of the most feared and traumatic situations adult children often face post-estrangement is the (impending) death of a parent or relative. The catch- I've been estranged from my mother (by my choice, for reasons that I think are valid, but she Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of estranged family members. While they are family by the very definition of the word they don't sound like they have acted like family in any way. Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you reg Increasingly lately though I've been getting upset as family is extremely important to me and I miss my brothers. It My father also saved his worst behavior for his immediate family and was incredibly well loved friends and extended family. How far have you come in your healing, and will reaching out put your progress in . I have been asked to write a poem for my estranged father's funeral. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? I went to an estranged father's (not mine) funeral last year, and the eulogy and conversations afterwards were honest -- the good qualities he did have were mentioned along with his significant flaws. Over the years of working in the field as a specialist in family estrangement, I have talked to thousands of people in support groups, research projects and in my Estranged from parents, mother has passed away.